timshel

Today marks the beginning of my new consistent blogging habits. I want to document the beautiful things I see and I want to create things more often. I can do anything I want, practical or not. I can take a ceramics class. I can go to design school for a year. I can make use of my lonely boxes of paint and glitter and spill my heart out in an art journal. These are all small things, but they serve as an outlet and fill me with life. And what has been holding me back? The future. It sounds silly. The question, "how will any of this matter?" never goes away...

Lately, everything feels brand new. It's as though I had been living under water until now, knowing there was something above the surface but accepting that it was not for me (pretend i am the Little Mermaid). Suddenly, I have legs and I can finally open my eyes to the great world out there. I've embraced the depths of the sea quite fully. I have considered depth to be reality and shallow water to be meaningless. The deeper under water, the better, even if my heart was continually aching. But I have been learning that freedom is out on the land. Here, I can breathe... I can meet people I would have never met before. It is limitless and refreshing, perhaps less complex and mysterious than the ocean. On land, there is nowhere to hide and vulnerability is unavoidable. Heartache still exists, but it is not the center.



One thing I know is that uncertainty never goes away. I don't like this, but it is okay. And why not do what seems exciting and meaningful right now? I don't know what this looks like for me. Currently, I think it has something to do with friends and letter-writing and crafts. We'll see :)